Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
