Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
