I'm so fucking centered right now
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
