tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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