dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just threw up on my dentist
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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