Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
