'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
