I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
COCAINE IS GR8
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
