You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
No subtext here. People are naked.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
