I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
