Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
