My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
