i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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