you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
two words...techno handjob
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
These tits shall not be calmed
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