note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
