a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
