somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
