The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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