Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
