I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
