At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
