im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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