Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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