Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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