you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
