haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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