I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
