guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
