I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
