Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
