some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
