She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
