M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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