Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
tonight lets celebrate not being married
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
