How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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