I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
