Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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