i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
