No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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