remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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