and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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