Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
