it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
