Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
