My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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