i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
