the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
