This house was built for laser tag.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
