OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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