Your dad touched me again.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
