At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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